Super Mom.

So as most of you know. I've been really struggling with my school situation. I've gone from doing everything humanly possible to graduate next fall... to now not knowing what I want. I'm a full time mom... and student. Some days they work out and some days they don't. Some days I feel like I'm a terrible mom and some days I feel like I'm a terrible student. 

This year has been quite different for us doing everything just us girls. We have gotten through a lot. We have accomplished a lot. We've made it through holidays with out half our hearts and made it through all the nasty storms that passed our neighborhood. I learned how to file for taxes, and how to file an insurance claim on lightning. I've fixed my car and changed many light bulbs. I've painted and filled nail holes, yes I've even hung things. I've called multiple times to get things fixed around the house. I've even gotten angry, and as Jono says, "the only way they will come is if you talk to them in a stern voice"... and that's what I did, and what do you know they were here the next day 8am. 

I think I've truly found myself this year. 

I think it was easy to just let Jono do everything and take care of everything. This year it's been ME. I've yes taken care of our finances and saved us a lot of money, it's not been easy but we've done it.

So my thoughts with school. They are bitter sweet I guess. I can't wait to be a teacher, I can't wait to help children learn and know that I'm teaching for all the right reasons. I can't wait, however; taking 15 credits being a single mom isn't very ideal. I've been super mom all year and school is stressful and hard at times. I just want to know that with Jon being gone that Brinn feels secure and loved by me. I don't want to be super Mom.  I want to be MOM. I won't ever get these days with Brinn back. I won't ever get to spend summer days painting our toes and going on walks. I won't ever get back the days I would miss at the pool and swinging at the park.

My life has taken paths I never thought it would take. Jon and I have done this together... So I've decided  NOT to take classes this summer and be a mom. Some of you may think this is selfish. Some of you may think I'm crazy for even thinking about taking classes. I don't know I guess I'm doing this for Brinn and myself. We have a busy summer as it is and adding 15 credits on top of that doesn't seem doable. I'm not one to back down or say something is too hard, but I'm saying it and I know in my heart. WE. Will. Not. Be. Happy. 

Jon and I talked and he completely left it up to me. We both know if I was able to go to school I would graduate in December. I would be done and I could sub for the spring semester that would be very financially helpful for us. However, we've saved so well I have the opportunity to not have to do that. So I've chosen maybe the path not taken, or the dangerous path. But I know in my heart it's not up to me anyways its all God's amazing little plan for our life and he was just telling me to listen to my heart and soul on this one. Way too many things pointed to that little Brown Eyed girl that I can't wait to spend everyday with. 

Oh ya and I left out the other best part. My nanny kids :) If you know me you've probably heard about them once or twice. Haley, Owen, No no Noah, and Garrett. They are my other babies. I have been their nanny for four summers now. They are the most amazing kids ever. I will once again be their nanny and I CAN'T WAIT. I love them and know that we will have the best summer. The best part is Brinn gets to go and SHE LOVES THEM! She follows Garrett (3) like he is her best friend. So thank you so much everyone for the support and advice. I know I've been SO ANNOYING about my crazy school life and just not knowing what to do. But I've gotten so much great advice from people who know me and love me. It's meant a lot and contributed to my decision. 

I know where my place in this world is. Someday to teach and to touch lives of children... my passion. The other is to be a mother to the most beautiful little girl in the whole world. I pick her.

This is Brinn's backpack. She likes mine and she likes when I walk around in the morning with it on she laughs at me. So she has her very own with some books in it. She loves to put it on and just walk around and take it off and act like mommy. No backpacks this summer girl! GIRL TIME :)  Also this is her new smile... cute huh! 


 She is the biggest little stinker I've ever met. The greatest gift I've ever been given and the most amazing Job I've ever been blessed to have is with this little girl. I love her and we are going to have a great summer!!!! Plus daddy will be home :)